What It’s Like Being a Female Chubby Chaser

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It’s pretty well recognized that men can have a preference for fat bodies. It’s not the norm, but we all know there are men who prefer heavier women.

But you never hear about female chubby chasers. I can’t be the only one.

To be clear, I don’t like dad bods. I don’t mean a little flub.I have a distinct preference for obese men. I always have.

My husband is fat and most of the men I dated before him were fat. Even now that I’m married, I see a fat man with a beard and brown eyes and I’m like…oh yum…..But my husband is still checking out all the tattoo-covered alternative girls, so I feel like we’re even lol

Anyway, I figured I would tell whoever out there gives AF what it is like to be a woman with a preference for fat men. (If you’re not here for my spicy, hot takes then I don’t what you’re here for, because I am a shit book blogger.)

For one thing, there are no romance novels for me

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The same male body type is in basically every romance novel. Tall, jacked, with big thick arms and a ripped torso. I’m not disgusted by men with abs and muscles. I just….don’t feel anything.

I used to be a manager at Home Depot. This is a store that gets a lot of conventionally-attractive men. Guys who build decks for their hobby are going to have a certain body type. The other women on the front end were always discreetly checking out the customers. “Oohh…look at him.” “Damn, look at those arms.” I didn’t have that same reaction though. A dude with an athletic body is just….I might as well stare at a blank wall. I don’t feel anything.

Sometimes I would just go along with it when the other women turned to me and said something like, “Isn’t that guy the hottest?” I’d feign a reaction and go, “Yeah, he’s hot.”

Once though, I answered honestly. “I don’t know. He’s not my type. I like fat guys.”

The weird looks I got. I never did that at work again. You’d have thought I just announced some weird fetish or something.

It feels really odd not finding attractive what I’m expected to find attractive. It feels weird to see the same ripped man on every romance novel cover and feel like, “What is wrong with me? Why am I not the way I’m supposed to be?”

I’ve actually gone looking for romance novels with fat men as the lead. Now, there are lots of contemporary romance novels with fat women. No fat men though. And I’ve looked pretty hard.

Don’t throw the passive aggressive ‘Then write it yourself’ line at me. I fucking did. It’s called Time Storms, dude. You should read it.

The dudes you hit on always think you’re trolling

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Not that I have to worry about this anymore, because I married the fat nerd man of my dreams, but it was a long road to get here.

I was a massive flirt when I was in my late teens and early twenties. While I’m pretty socially awkward in most situations, I was never afraid of approaching men. I was never afraid to shoot my shot.

In fact, the very first time I took a shot, I was only ten. Yeah, I got boy-crazy way too early.

The school was having this Valentines dance. I marched right up to this chubby freckled boy in my class and asked him if he would go to the dance with me. He said ‘no, thanks.’ But that night at the dance, he came over to me during a slow number and asked me if I would dance with him. That was the full extent of it. I mean, we were ten, lol, duh. That was a massive win for 5th grade me.

My best friend at the time said to me, “He probably said no, because he thought you were making fun of him.”

“But why would I make fun of him?” I asked.

She stared at me. “He’s fat.”

I got older and continued to pursue heavy men. My approach became more subtle. I realized that as the female I was supposed to drop hints and let the guy take over. Just making a pass at a guy wasn’t what I was supposed to do. Have I mentioned I also really liked shy guys? lol Yeah….trying to play the passive role when you’re going after awkward, shy dudes can be really frustrating.

I was once at a party when I was around nineteen. I hung out with a lot of weeb dudes back then. My friend group was mostly a bunch of anime-loving guys and Christian girls. We were an eclectic group. My friend Dave had invited a bunch of his friends from college that I didn’t know. I was single and ready to mingle and set my sights on this adorable fat guy wearing an anime t-shirt and talking about World of Warcraft.

I thought I was making it pretty obvious to him that I was feeling him. I was never subtle. I was always worried a guy wouldn’t be sure I was interested and wouldn’t take a shot, out of fear of rejection. I laughed at his jokes. Touched him on the arm. Gave him lots of compliments.

I probably would have just asked for his number myself. When you like awkward, nerdy dudes that sort of has to be your last resort. I didn’t though, because of the turn the conversation took. He started complaining about how women never talk to him. How girls never like him. He didn’t even know what he was doing at this party. He wasn’t a party guy and every time he came to Dave’s parties, girls never talked to him.

All I could do was stare at him. “What the fuck am I doing right now?” is what I wanted to ask him. I didn’t though. I just ended the conversation and moved along. I mean, I was insulted. It turned out, from talking to Dave later, this dude had literally no idea I was flirting with him. He was so stuck in thinking he was fat and ugly, he didn’t notice how ridiculously, obviously DTF I was.

And I had a lot of experiences like that. I’d flirt with chubby dudes at college, at the mall, in social gatherings. Hey, maybe I’m just an ugly fuck and that’s the problem. I am willing to admit it’s a possibility. I’m not a model. My body is okay, but my face is kind of messed up from years of cystic acne.

I’m not sure that was it though. I might be a butterface, but I think my body is decent enough to make up for it. It must be. Or at least it was back then. Because during those same years, I got cold-approached a lot by men who were conventionally-attractive. When I’d express my frustration that I could get guys, just not the ones I really wanted to get, my friends would tell me I was too forward. “You walk right up to a guy and start laying it on thick, he thinks you’re making fun of him or you want something.” But it wasn’t like the men I was attracted to were approaching me.

Eventually, I found the (no longer around) dating website SweetonGeeks. And wow, what a trip that was….Instead of guys sending you dick pics, you get dudes sending you proclamations of love after three conversations. I felt bad for them, but I wasn’t going to get involved with anybody that emotionally immature. It took me a bit, but I did meet my husband on that website. I sent messages to every fat man within a hundred miles of me.

He tells me it was very weird to have a woman do the approaching on a dating website. He was initially skeptical, thinking I must be a bot or a scammer or something.

Yet, here we are ten years later! Ooh…this reminds me of my next point…

You feel like you can’t tell the guys you date WHY you’re attracted to them

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My husband is actually the first man I’ve had a relationship with that I told. Who wants to say to a guy, “I have a thing for fat men.” First, well….you worry maybe they don’t know they’re fat? Maybe they don’t realize they hit the tipping point and lady chubby chasers are coming at them now. And then, you don’t want them to feel like they can’t lose weight if they want to. It is healthier to be thin.

I think a few of the guys before my husband noticed anyway. When you can’t keep your paws off fat rolls and moobies, they start to figure it out.

Everybody thinks You’re Lying

I know. I’m a Pick Me.

I don’t know who the hell is hurts if I have a thing for fat dudes. But certain feminists get pretty upset at anybody who falls out of line and stops getting wet to Chad bodies.

God forbid anybody deviate from the norm. Women are supposed to be a hivemind after all. Shame those pick-mes back into line /s

Will I conceed that there could theoretically be some underlying psychological thing that causes me to be attracted to fat dudes? Yeah, sure. Why not? But I’m not in my head going, “Oh a fat dude. I can feel more emotionally secure with him.” Er….no. My brain is too busy going, “ooooh…look at the side rolls on him….He looks so warm and squishy.” It is a visceral, physical reaction and one that I don’t have any control over.

But like….it doesn’t freaking hurt anybody. So I’ll never get the outrage over women who find fat men attractive. Like…angry pinkpillers listen….it’s not like you were gonna fuck em. So I have a hard time understanding why you care.

Men are also skeptical. But we already covered that.

Lastly, the most difficult part of being a female chubby chaser…

When you do eventually land in a committed relationship with a fat man, you feel intense guilt, because you’re attracted to the thing that’s killing him.

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I really don’t want to hear any SJW “Being fat does not mean you’re unhealthy.” You’re delusional.

I’m so attracted to my husband. But his weight causes him a lot of health problems. When I was young, having flings and flirtations, it didn’t matter that a lot of weight comes with a myriad of health problems.

I actually never had a serious relationship with a fat man before my husband. Things always seemed to fall apart for one reason or another. The only serious relationship I had before him was actually with a skinny dude. A 26-year-old weeb I dated when was 19. He was not my physical type. I liked his personality though. And my asshole sister went and told the poor man about my preference for fat men. Probably gave the poor dude a complex or something.

Because I’d never had a serious relationship with a fat man before, I didn’t realize being heavy causes so many issues. And especially now that he and I are getting older, it’s only getting worse. He tries so hard and I’m so proud of him when he loses weight. Like most heavy people, he’s an emotional eater, a stress eater. He copes by eating. He’s been losing weight steadily over the past couple of years and I always try to be encouraging.

But then, we have so many moments where I’m all over him, squeezing his rolls and telling him how cute he is, and sometimes I wonder, “Am I making this worse? Would he be doing better if I wasn’t like this?”

I try to encourage him. I tell him that I’ll always love him no matter what he looks like, even if he became super thing. To which he always joking replies, “I don’t think there’s any danger of that happening.”

And sometimes I worry about what will happen in another ten years, another twenty. I worry I won’t have him with me in old age. I can’t eve picture a life without him. The reality is that men usually die before their wives anyway.

I’m sorry to get so dark, but I think about this a lot sometimes. How long do most widows live after their husbands? Five? Ten years?

It’s probably more like fifteen, maybe even twenty for me.

I never thought of any of that, when I was young, when I was searching for my forever man. I thought: fat guys are cute. I want a fat man.

I didn’t think about the sleep apnea, high blood pressure, joint issues, trouble breathing…

He’s really the best thing that ever happened to me. He’s so smart, so funny, so sweet. He’s just shy and awkward enough to be cute, but he also knows when to take charge. He manages to be adorable and super manly all at once.

He’s so supportive. He reads every single thing I write. He’s my biggest fan ❤

But he also calls me out on a lot of my bullshit. For example, I’m writing a book about incels. He used to be one, sort of, I’m not allowed to say that unless I clarify that he did not identify as one and he is not and has never been blackpilled. But because he used to be in that situation, he tells me when he thinks I’m doing something that might piss that community off. And he was able to decode a lot of the stuff I stumbled across in my research. He’s more familiar with 4chan and all that….uh….man side of the internet. I was going to him like a normie idiot, “What does TFW mean? What is ‘based’?” He’s really involved in that particular project. I’m also not really allowed to say which parts of the book he contributed to. I’ll just say that book wouldn’t be what it is without him. He’s the male perspective I needed.

Oh gosh and does he help me figure out when something is a shitpost. I never know when anything is a shitpost. I will literally argue with shitposts on reddit all day. I take everything seriously. Can you see how this could be a problem writing a book about incels? Those guys are the kings of shitposts. Y’all have no idea how many shitposts I took seriously and was confused as hell by. Then I enlisted hubby as my internet sherpa and started going to him with, “Is this a shitpost?” His favorite was the “Bees are cucked” post. He gave me so much crap for not knowing that was a shitpost. He just laughed his ass off at me. “Jy….bees are cucked? Who takes that seriously? Yes, you goof, it’s a shitpost.”

He used to write some of my jokes back when I was still making youtube videos. And I ran all of my jokes past him. I told him I was gonna make this joke in one video: “My husband writes my jokes, because women aren’t funny!” and he was like….’no….do not do that, Jy’…..Eh, I still think it’s kind of funny. But maybe he’s right and saying that on camera would not have gone over well. His thoughts were that people would take it seriously and it would end up making both of us look bad.

And it’s really just one of the things I love so much about him. He doesn’t suffer my bullshit. I can be kind of obnoxious. He’s like my reality check. He makes me a better person, and he says I do the same for him. I’ve never been so comfortable around anyone in my life. And it isn’t as if we’ve never had a rough patch or a disagreement, but overall, we’re ten years in and I still feel like that first day we met, when he walked up to me with a pile of sci-fi books, handed them over, and said, “I thought you’d like to read these.” Then they were too heavy for me to carry, so he ended up carrying them around all day ❤

I don’t know how I ever was without him. Thinking that I might have to figure out how to be without him one day, it terrifies me.


  1. This is a sweet post. “I married the fat nerd man of my dreams.”
    Couple of thoughts:

    -I can definitely understand not being able to tell them why you find them attractive. I think if someone had ever told me, “I’m attracted to you because I like chubby women,” my self-image would have taken a nosedive. Even if they had said “curvy” or “statuesque”.” We all know what the euphemisms are, and anyway I didn’t like being curvy.

    -Though it’s not possible to be super obese and healthy, it is possible for a fit person to be carrying a layer of chub over their toned muscles. There is a whole Internet world dedicated to fat girls who run, for example. If you haven’t already discovered them, I suggest you check out the books Good Calories, Bad Calories and/or Why We Get Fat, both by Gary Taubes. The medical insights in them might help your husband become more healthy, and they will certainly make him feel understood, at least they did for me.

    -The thing about getting married, your partner’s body is going to change over the years. Women’s bodies usually change more throughout our life, but of course it can happen to the guys too. Of course, as you know, by that time you are attracted to a complex blend of your partner’s body, soul, and the fact that they are your partner.

    -My books aren’t genre romance novels, but they include romance. The romantic lead in my first book is the classic rugged ideal masculine type, including being an SOB at first. The romantic lead in my second book is more like the guys you like. He’s quiet, reserved, and has a thicker body type. Not obese, because it’s hard to become obese as a hunter-gatherer, but more like a short version of Disney’s Maui. Not a type that I found particularly attractive, until I started writing the book. Just a little advert here … buy my book, as soon as I publish it! XD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes….I was always worried about giving them some kind of crisis. Like one of my first boyfriends told me he was super attracted to small boobs and I was like, “Wait….are they small?” lol So, I never wanted anyone else to feel bad about how they look, even if it’s an attribute I’m attracted to.

      I agree you can be a little chubby and healthy. Maybe I will check out those books.

      I’d love to check out your books! Are any of them for-sale anywhere yet? If not, please let me know when they are :)I’m glad you went with a quiet dude in one of your books.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah yes, personal appearance, such a minefield always …

        Thanks. Not for sale yet. Planning to indie publish this year, but I have a few ducks to get into a row, so to speak.

        The traditional male lead was actually harder to write than the quiet guy, because farther from my personality LOL …


      2. Is it your first time self-publishing? I just took that leap for the first time a few months ago. Formatting was the biggest pain :/ And then after I had everything all figured out, Lulu went and revamped their site and all my books were destroyed. But once I got all the bugs worked out, I was really happy I did it 🙂 I’d love to shout your book out on this blog when you do publish. Just let me know.

        Men in general, I find pretty tough to write. But I get input from lots of men when I write male POVS. I think the biggest difference (if it’s a typical guy) is they use shorter sentences and are less aware of their feelings (or at least less likely to think about them the way a woman would). Usually I try to get a few men to read my male characters to tell me where I’m messing up.


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