Why I Will Never Stop Writing Romance (and a bonus rant on SJW antics)

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I love a good love story.

I am equal parts teenage edgelord who never grew up and absolute mush.

This is why my books have mass shooting and meet-cutes. Pipe bombs and pining. Killing and kissing. I need all of it.

One of the best parts of writing in the romance genre is writing what I feel needs to be written. The genre truly is broken right now. I obviously make do with what is out there, but there really is very little of the kinds of romance I want to read.

Not all sub-genres are equally toxic. I’d say contemporary romance probably has the cleanest wrap-sheet. The problem is….I like historical, specifically time-travel romance. There are a lot of sick women using historical to excuse rape and kidnapping. There’s so much room for improvement in historical romance. There’s so much ground that hasn’t been covered yet.

Aside from that, there’s just the pure joy of writing two characters falling in love! You get to sit down and figure out: Okay, how are they the same and how they different? How do they compliment each other’s weaknesses? What does each admire in the other?

You get to figure out which of the two will be more active, which will be more passive. They can also each be active and passive in different ways (that’s what I did with Veronika and Vincent-he initiates almost everything romantic, but Veronika is a very active character in other ways).

That first kiss scene is the BEST to write! I get so giddy writing that first kiss between characters. I tend to draw it out and not let it happen too early in the book. In Desire and Destruction, I think we were past the 200 page mark when Cole and Ingrid finally kissed.

Basically, I don’t write romance for the same reason I write horror. When I wrote Combustion it was to really revel in all the negative emotions, particularly those around family. When I write romance, it’s to feel the warm and fuzzies.

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of outspoken backlash against romance.

“Sigh….but does every book need a romance sub-plot?”

“Why do people like romance so much? I just can’t even.”

Or my favorite….this new SJW antic…they’re freaking evolving…the virus is mutating

“Us poor asexuals! You’re erasing us! When romance is everywhere, it’s like we aren’t valid!”

Okay so, here is my rebuttal: I fucking love romance and I will not stop writing it. You don’t like it. I do. It appears we are at a standstill.

As for the whole erasure thing, I don’t think I can suffer any more made-up nonsense for the rest of my life. I’m sorry. My entire childhood was hippy-dippy woo-woo nonsense and I really can’t take anymore. Then I went and got a Master’s Degree in a humanities field….I’m full, thanks. No more made-up nonsense for me. I’m very sick of pretending things that aren’t real are real.

Listen, as an asexual, you are different than the vast majority of people. That means you won’t be able to relate to many characters in the romantic sense. But hear me out…

I was raised by a Wiccan lesbian mother. Do you think I can relate to the childhoods 90% of main characters that grew up with straight parents in a two-parent home? Probably some variation of a Christian home? Nah, I can’t. I can relate to the characters with BPD mothers doing tarot card readings and yammering about chakras and astral projection. But there aren’t a lot of those in fiction. And I don’t even (usually) write those kinds of families myself. Mostly because it sucked. Not the lesbian part. That’s fine. The Wiccan part….let me not throw too much shade….just…ugh, if you’re thinking of taking your kid ghost-hunting or explaining the “powers” of different crystals, maybe get a fucking grip. Maybe a little. There’s too much nonsense in your head.

Also, I don’t write families like that, because I know that’s not the average experience. Most people won’t relate as well to a character who grew up doing rituals and assisting a coven and all that woo-woo-ness. There’s more to books than representation. There’s emotion, character, plot.

Books are usually going to reflect the typical experience, just because of sheer odds. If most people are not asexual, then odds are, most people writing books are not asexual. That’s the reality mathematically. You could argue people should write characters different than them, but I know that trick! #Ownvoices. No way, dude. You can’t trick me with that. The simultaneous push for diversity and backlash against writers “colonizing” the experiences of others…..no way. That’s a damn trap SJWs created so they always have someone new to cancel.

But for the asexual (aromantic, whatever it is. Call yourself whatever, but I’m done learning new terms-nobody cares enough about who you do/don’t want to fuck to constantly learn new words-y’all had one chance to teach me-I’m not taking a refresher course every six months, keeping up with advances in the field-Stop making up words), you can write whatever you want. You can write books without romance. I am not going to stop writing romance to make you feel more included. That’s on you, my guy. You don’t have to be included in everything. Not everything is for you.

To summarize, I love romance. It gives me so many warm, fuzzy feels. I want everybody in the world to be in love (if they want to be). I want everybody to be happy and get married. I love writing chemistry and deep bonds between characters. I’m not going to cave because romance is the trendy genre to shit on. Even if you sprinkle it with some SJW-shaming tactics. I’m going to keep writing romance. Honestly, sprinkle on the SJW-shaming tactics and you just make me want to write it more.

Good try though. The SJW antics are about the closest thing the bookish community has to drama, so that’s something I suppose. Thanks for keeping us all entertained.

Have y’all ever thought about how we stack up to other online communities? Like, my husband is super into the gaming community online. Have you ever seen gaming community tea? It’s not even hot tea, more like hot radioactive waste. Piss someone off in the gaming community, you get swatted and die. It’s like a totally different planet than the one we’re on.

Meanwhile, the book community is crying about their feelings. “But…there isn’t someone exactly like me in this book!”

Ugh…this community is so soft. We’re such marshmallows! We don’t need to be as hard as the gaming community, and I wouldn’t want us to be as cut-throat as the beauty community. I would love to see a little less of the SJW-antics though. I feel like people don’t value resilience anymore.

Get your feelings hurt! Feel left out! You won’t die. You’ll be fine. You aren’t entitled to a life free from any and all negative emotions.

And I’m not going to contribute to the coddling.

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  1. Ha! Great rant. “It appears we are at a standstill.”

    I’m with you on the constant stream of new terms to describe ever subtler nuances of people’s individual approaches to romance, sex, and/or love. My favorite is “demisexual,” which I saw defined as “a demisexual person is not attracted to anyone unless they have already connected with them emotionally.” My reaction was, You have just described 99% of women.

    All of us fall somewhere on that “continuum,” but it’s very individual and it changes in different seasons of our lives so this can’t possibly be an entire identity. It’s just one aspect of our experience in the world.


    1. Haha XD I had fun with it. Right?? Demisexual? You mean being a human female? Criminey. There are so many new genders, sexualities….I literally don’t care what people want to do. Be with whoever you want. Call yourself whatever you want. As long as it’s all consensual and nobody is getting hurt, I’m good.
      It’s when they start trying to dictate what other people write and police the language other people use. I’ll always try to respect people and remember how they want to be referred. But the way new words keep getting added, along with how strictly language is policed….I’m starting to wonder if they’re messing with us. It’s pure narcissism how much effort the SJW types expect other people to put into keeping up with it all.

      I also just really don’t get why people need a word to exactly describe their sexuality. Gay, straight, bi, asexual, and pan should about cover it. Everything else is just what we call personality….lol

      Liked by 1 person

  2. These people realize they can write books about themselves, right? Like, there’s no law saying you can’t write about your own experiences as an asexuals. Literally nobody is stopping you. The door is right there. You might start a trend of other asexuals writing about their own experiences. There is room, you don’t have to force people that aren’t asexual to write about you.

    I’m glad you pointed out the #ownvoice thing because I believe that is a serious issue. People get mad because certain groups aren’t being represented….and then when people outside that group try to write about these experiences they get cancelled….but they also get cancelled for NOT writing about these groups so there is literally no incentive to change.

    I may actually write a post about the issues of “seeing yourself in fiction” because it has some troubling overtones. For one thing, it’s stopped meaning “seeing someone with the same religion/race/ethnic group/whatever as you” and started becoming a literal phrase. People genuinely think they are going to see themselves in these fictional stories even though literally everyone’s experience is different and it works based off the false premise that everyone’s experience being gay or a POC is exactly the same as yours, even though it’s not. I’ve heard of multiple writers having to out themselves before they were ready because they were becoming crucified for writing about gay people when it was believed they were not part of the LGBTQ.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So many good points in this comment here. Yeah, there’s literally no way to win.

      And yeah, own voices pressures people to come out as gay, trans, or whatever their identity, just so they can write without being crucified.
      Liberalism is supposed to be about inclusivity, but it’s become so ugly in recent years.


  3. I agree that that the book community is soft.

    The whole push for diversity started out with good intentions. Now people act like books where never diverse to begin with. I go out of my way to find books on mythology from different parts of the world. They may not be the type of books everyone else reads but, I read and write reviews of these books on my blog because I enjoy doing it. You can find diversity if you go and look for it. People just want everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. I really think laziness is a part of it.

    Then there also this pressure to read diverse book. I came across a book review on a blog that made a statement saying: If you don’t read this book then you’re a [insert word ending in -pho here]. What if I not interest in reading that book. It does not make me anything if by my chose alone I not going to read it.

    Write the books you want to write and read the books you want to read. No one should be able to take that away from anyone.


    1. I absolutely agree with all of this πŸ™‚ The push for diversity started out as a really good thing, and in fact, directly due to the strong push for more diverse characters, I found myself thinking about diversity more for my own books.
      It really is when people start shaming books that aren’t “diverse enough” that there’s a problem.
      There’s nothing wrong with suggesting more representation. But it’s become much too aggressive.
      Mythology from different parts of the world can be so interesting. I recently finished two books of folktales, one focused on Ireland and one focused on Norse myths. On my TBR, I’ve got a book of folktales from Western Africa. It’s really interesting how different parts of the world have aspects in their myths that are similar, but they all differ slightly. I had to take a course during my undergrad on Joseph Campbell and I found all that mono-myth stuff pretty interesting πŸ™‚

      That pressure to read certain books for woke points is something we see in the movie industry too. When the female reboot of ghostbusters failed, and when Birds of Prey failed, people blame men for not wanting to see movies with female characters, instead of thinking maybe people just weren’t interested in the movie. It really isn’t true that men don’t like stories with female characters. An action movie with a female lead that is actually good is sure to get tons of male fans. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a good example of that. And Juno was a comedy that everybody loved. Instead of thinking “hey, maybe the movie wasn’t that good,” SJW types jump to shaming people. It isn’t right.


  4. I read The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell. It’s an interesting read about how mythology influences society. I might write a review on it sometime.

    I agree about the movie industry. Why not make something original. An all-female ghost hunting team is a good idea for a movie, just don’t called it Ghostbusters and make it different. Yes, there are great movie with female leads in them that people love to see. To add two movies with strong female leads: Silence of the Lamb and Kill Bill.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh! Kill Bill is another great example of a movie with a female lead that everyone (men and women) love.
      I don’t think anyone cares very much about the gender of the main character, as long as the story is good.
      And yeah, I think it was a mistake to try to update such a beloved classic. Another movie about female ghost-hunters could have been good. I think what the woke crowd fails to mention is that sequels and reboots usually do far worse than the original anyway, and are subject to much greater scrutiny since they have the impossible task of living up the original.


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