Chapter 35: Want a Blowjob?

He wasn’t planning to say anything to Robby about Mia’s text, but he couldn’t sleep, and so, despite needing to be up early for their move to the new apartment, Adam found himself scrolling through neveralone.net. He’d been trying to stay away from incel sites. This wasn’t exactly breaking that vow though. It was a lot more positive than braincels, .co, even IWH, which Adam still found himself browsing on a semi-regular basis, even though he’d decided not to post there again. 

Scrolling through the simple forum, with its plain (but still somehow appealing) layout, Adam read the familiar posts. Most of the users of this site were left-wing. They usually talked about how most of the incelopshere was conservative. Truthfully, Adam didn’t really know what he was. He didn’t know enough about politics to know what he was. He knew that both of his parents voted Republican, as did his one grandfather who was still alive. They’d all voted for Trump two years ago, although Dad had been really disappointed when Romney didn’t make the ballot. Adam barely knew the difference between Republican and Democrat, so he couldn’t begin to guess which of the two he’d fall into. He’d never voted. Lately he’d been starting to think he should get educated on the subject. Most of the users on neveralone were really into politics. They touted the benefits of socialism and raged against a corrupt system that kept them poor NEETs. Adam wasn’t exactly sure what socialism was. He knew it had something to do with helping people to not be poor. On the surface, that absolutely sounded like something he could get on board with. 

Adam read a post about how wealth needed to be redistributed to create a more equitable society. He read one about female hypergamy being the byproduct of runaway capitalism (Adam wished he was smart enough to even begin understanding that one; he googled ‘what is capitalism?’ and still inevitably had to click away from that post, having no idea if what he’d just read was brilliant or nonsensical). He read a post from a MtF trans person talking about how difficult the dating market was for straight transwomen like her. 

“Date women. Lesbians love trans.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. And no. I like men. I want to date men. You’d think with all the incels claiming they’re so desperate for female attention, I’d have a little more luck…”

It was on this post that Adam saw a comment of Robby’s. “I would date a transwoman, but I’m autistic and you probably could do a little better than me.”

Adam cringed at the passive and pathetic way Robby was shooting his shot. Part of him wanted to let the guy know that, hey, if you’re gonna humiliate yourself that much, you might as well not even do anything. But a greater part of him prevented him from saying anything; this was part crippled with fear. What if he acted just as pathetic around women? He remembered the way Mia had made him so nervous. He should say something to Robby about that. 

The flashing green circle on the periphery of Robby’s avatar (a photo of a ferret holding a blueberry) showing that Robby was currently online was all the encouragement Adam needed. He clicked over to Robby’s profile and fired off a message. 

“Hey, you still gonna come over tomorrow and see the new place?”

Adam readjusted the laptop on his folded legs, waiting for the Redwallfordawin is typing indicator to turn into an actual reply. 

I’d like to, yes. Is 6 okay?

You aren’t bringing your sister are you?

The typing indicator flashed on the screen for longer this time. It disappeared and reappeared twice, as if Robby was deleting and rewriting his answer. 

Is she bothering you?

This time it was Adam who took an extra minute to construct his reply. 

The last time I talked to a girl irl, it didn’t work out too good for me. Mia texted me and asked me to come say hi to her first day of classes next week. I don’t want to say too much. She’s your sister and all. I’d rather not have the stress of it. That’s all. I never know what women want, how to talk to them, and I don’t want to do the wrong thing here and mess up our friendship. You know what I mean? If she wants to flirt with Chuck or whatever, cool, idc. I don’t want to play all that though. 

You want me to talk to her? She is difficult. She likes to flirt. She’s had many boyfriends. I love my sister, but I think you’re right not to want to get involved with her. She has a short attention span and is always on to a new guy after a few weeks. 

You don’t need to talk to her. I blocked her. Just wanted to tell you what was happening. Didn’t want any miscommunication. Like if she gets mad at me for not replying. 

She won’t. It will encourage her though. She likes men who ‘play hard to get.’ 

Okay, I’m going to keep ignoring her. 

Do what you need to do. I will not be offended. 

Cool, thanks Robby. 

Don’t mention it. 

They wrapped up their conversation and Adam forced himself to go to bed. He was somewhat tired, but his brain was racing. He didn’t think he could will it to stop speeding along. Still, Mark was going to be arriving at eight and he needed to be up and ready to start loading the vehicles by then. 

He crawled under the covers and Goku scurried out from whatever piece of furniture he’d been hiding under. With an irritable meow, he hopped onto the bed and began kneading the blankets around Adam’s body. 

“I know, I know,” Adam muttered. “I kept you up too late, didn’t I?”

With a grumble, Goku settled down beside him, throwing his furry little body into Adam’s side. As he drifted off into a restless sleep, Adam wondered if he’d ever fall asleep with the warmth of a human body beside him. 

He imagined a woman in his bed. How it would feel to hold her close. He’d be so good to her. Maybe he wasn’t much of a man now, but if he had a woman to love, he’d be everything he could for her. 

And as soon as he produced that thought, a flood of potential responses from braincels, from .co, from shortcels, from r9k, erupted into a cacophony in his half-wake mind. 

Doesn’t matter how “good” of a man you are, she’d leave you soon as the next best thing came along. 

Chad ONLY!

That’s what you want? Fucking cuck. No point in loving holes. They can’t love you back. Female solipsism prevents them from caring about men. They only love themselves and their offspring, and the only reason they even love their babies is because their babies are an extension of them.

A woman to love and hold and become a great man for? Psshh…think what you actually mean to say is ‘let me be a pathetic wagecuck beta-bux for some post-wall milk-curdled single mother.’

There’s no point in trying. It’s FUCKING OVER. 

The words he’d read so many times before, in one variation or another, melded and clashed, even as he drifted restlessly into a light and fitful sleep. 

He dreamed he was back in high school, except his mom was the teacher and one wall of the classroom looked exactly like one of the walls in the childhood bedroom he’d shared with Chuck. Looking around, he realized he was the only guy in the class. Every other student was female. Hot women, ugly women, skinny, fat. All kinds. His mom stood at the blackboard pointing to a picture of a pile of money. 

A sense of confusion overwhelmed him and Adam peered over the shoulder of the girl in front of him, trying to figure out what this lesson was supposed to be. But when Adam read her notes, he couldn’t make sense of them. Filters for Instagram. Tepia. Make a cute face while eating a grilled cheese sandwich. 

Adam nudged her in the elbow. “Hey, what is this class about?”

She stiffened, turned around slowly. 

“Fuck!” 

Adam bolted out of his chair, staring at her in horror. 

Her face was that of a mottled corpse. Her eye sockets empty, rotted out from the decay death. Her withered teeth hug loosely from blackened gums. Her skin was gray. And yeat from the neck down, her skin had a lively, youthful glow.

“Sorry,” she moaned in a weak little whisper. “I didn’t put on my makeup today.”

He ran from the room. His mom shouted at him from the classroom doorway, but he kept running. 

And suddenly, Mia was in front of him. There were other people around and none of them had faces. Only her. 

“Adam,” she said in a husky voice. “Do you want a blowjob?”

“Fuck yeah, I do.”

Her lip curled. She dropped to her knees. 

And that was how he awoke, with his alarm blaring, a stiff boner, and a sticky sheen of cold sweat coating his back, stomach, and forehead. 

Grumbling, he smacked the alarm and took a deep breath. 

He was okay. Everything was okay. 

At the end of the bed, Goku stretched and blinked his one eye at him. 

“Alright, Goku,” Adam sighed. “Time to start our new lives.”

He sat up and stared again at the boxes. He hoped he’d decided to bring the right stuff along with him.

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