People who love Crazy

I’m not embarrassed (okay, maybe a little, but whatever); I love internet drama. I fucking love it. I watch all the tea channels. I always know who the villain of youtube is. I’m all over it. Give me the drama.

Also, before anybody pops up with the hot take “women love drama” I learned something during my period of idiocy where I was obsessed with all things manosphere/red pill/incel/ god-help-me-I’m-having-a-nervous-breakdown-so-I’ll-become-a-32-year-old-woman-who-watches-alpha-male-videos…anyway, those men do nothing but have drama with each other. So much fighting and backstabbing.

It’s not a woman thing or a man thing. It’s a human thing. Humans love drama. So shut up and don’t be a misogynist.

Anyhow, recently in internet drama, Gabbie Hanna is in trouble. Well, Gabbie Hanna is always in trouble. Gabbie Hanna is an asshole that I can’t help rooting for. I want her to stop being a dumbass so badly. Also I love her music.

‘This is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt.’

In the endless back and forth between Gabbie Hanna and Jessi Smiles, Gabbie brought to light some old drama. Before we get into that, let me be clear, Gabbie Hanna is in the wrong in the Jessi Smiles situation. Jessi was raped and Gabbie is a selfish asshole who won’t stop making Jessi’s rape about herself. It’s weird. It’s gross. Gabbie Hanna was a rape apologist on twitter. She went and had a conversation with the man that she knew raped her friend. And years later, she will not stop talking about Jessi’s trauma.

Does Jessi antagonize that situation like Gabbie says? Does Jessi want to keep the back and forth with Gabbie going? In response to those claims by Gabbie, I’d have to say, it doesn’t matter. Jessi was raped and Gabbie DID defend and speak to her rapist. Consequences have actions. That might suck for Gabbie, but it’s the truth. It doesn’t matter if Jessi is or isn’t dragging it out. Gabbie’s behavior was egregious and she needs to deal with the fallout from it, however long that fallout may last (hint! Shutting up about it might help, lady).

So, now about I’m about to criticize Jessi for something completely separate.

Jessi is a rape victim.

That doesn’t mean Jessi is a perfect human.

This idea that in order to be a victim a person must be perfect is incredibly icky. A person does NOT have to be flawless in order to be a victim. And we shouldn’t want to live in a world where we demand perfection from victims.

All of that out of the way: I’m gonna fucking drag Jessi Smiles.

This situation happened quite a long time ago. But I think it’s important to talk about because of the audience response to it.

By Jessi’s own admission, all this woman Judy did was come over her house cry and be kind of weird.

She made numerous storytime videos about her, made memes out of her, and sent her massive audience to fuck with her and make fun of her.

But let’s back up…

Jen Dent

Jen Dent is a friend of Jessi’s and Jen is the one who befriended Judy.

Jen met Judy online. This is how they met: Judy was acting completely unhinged, leaving loads of rude comments all over Jen’s accounts and fighting her in DMs.

But why would they end up friends after that?

Easy, because some people love crazy.

Some people like to have emotionally unstable people around so they can treat them like a fucking haunted house. They can have that fun thrill of fear and surprise. They can revel in the chaos.

Oh, and one more thing:

They can pat themselves on the back for what a good person they are and how put together they are.

In all of her videos, Jen Dent says things like “I’m a nice person” and “I’m a genuine person” and “I tried to be her friend.”

The truth is Jen saw that Judy was emotionally unstable and she wanted that emotional instability so that she could laugh at it. And laugh at it she did.

This is the situation summarized:

After meeting Judy when Judy left a slew of angry unhinged comments all over her social media, Jen Dent befriended Judy and they started talking. One night Jen asked Jessi if Judy could come sleepover with them at Jessi’s house. Jessi said yes.

Judy came over, burst into tears a couple of times, got a little too high and puked, yelled strangely about how organized the closet was, elbowed a guy in a bar after he knocked into her while dancing, and pretended to be asleep at Ihop when she wasn’t.

Y’all…..I’ve done way weirder shit than that with people I’ve just met. That’s pretty innocuous behavior for someone who is clearly mentally ill.

But apparently her crying at inappropriate times and pretending to be asleep was absolutely terrifying. In her storytimes, Jessi carries on gleefully telling her audience “I thought she was gonna kill me! I thought she was gonna kill my dog!” The lady is practically salivating.

Some people love crazy. They love the excitement. They love the chaos. They love that feeling of power, that they can nudge someone just a little bit and an emotion bomb will go off.

Mentally ill people are not your fucking haunted house.

It amazes me that more people aren’t calling this awful behavior out. It’s not the fact that Jen and Jessi were really fucking shitty to someone 5 years ago (but continue to make videos about Judy up until two years ago….and Judy is the one behaving obsessively….uh-huhhh). The reason I feel this is worth talking about is the public response to it. How are the over a million people in Jessi and Jen’s combined audiences not seeing any issue with how they treated Judy?

This issue was recently brought up again by Gabbie Hanna. But because “Gabbie Bad/Jessi Victim” the NPCs of youtube can’t take a second to look at the situation with any nuance.

Everyone is so selectively rah rah mental health advocacy.

If you’re really pro-mental health awareness and destigmatize and all of that, then you should be outraged at how horrendously Jessi and Jen treated Judy.

Years after her storytimes about Judy, Jessi was still laughing about the situation on youtube. She got married and had children and never ever (as far as I can tell from how she acts in her videos) felt an ounce of guilt for what she did to Judy.

Because here is what happened to Judy.

Judy lost her fucking shit.

Judy never presented herself as anything other than emotionally unstable.

If you see an emotionally unstable person, pull them into your life just to gasp and ooh and ahh over her bizarre they are, and then make storytime videos making fun of them, send a wave of online hate to their page THEN YOU ARE NOT A “NICE PERSON” YOU ARE A PIECE OF ABSOLUTE SHIT. Emotionally unstable people don’t exist to entertain you.

Judy posted a fuckton of videos ranting about the situation. Judy wrote a book and put it up on Kindle. Judy sent a bunch of angry messages to Jen and Jessi.

They nudged at her, watched the emotion bomb go off, and then reveled in the chaos, all while having to take no accountability for their part. Because emotionally unstable people often act in ways that are so far afield of what is socially acceptable or reasonable. Posting hundreds of videos ranting about the way they treated her was so bizarre that everyone is ignoring one important factor: the way they treated her.

Having disregulated emotions doesn’t mean a person deserves to be treated like shit.

That doesn’t mean emotionally unstable people have to be pandered to or that they shouldn’t be called out when they behave inappropriately.

What would have actually been kind would have been for Jen Dent to completely ignore all of Judy’s messages and never befriend her.

You aren’t obligated to give time or attention to emotionally unstable people.

But when you go out of your way to make them your entertainment, you’re a nasty fucking person.

I have known a lot of people like that in my life.

Mostly when I was younger.

I was very easy to set off when I was in my teens and early twenties.

I was very easy to manipulate. I would get clingy with people very quickly. I would do almost anything to please people. I trusted people very easily. Be nice to me once, I’d follow you off a fucking cliff.

There weren’t many kind, decent people in my life back then. Because the kind thing to do when people are running around waving about their ticking emotion bombs is

The unkind thing to do is figure out what will make them BAM! and then step back like “Damn bitch, what’s your problem?”

The last time this happened to me was the very end of 2020. It had been so long since somebody had recognized that I was emotionally unstable (maybe not so much as I was in my early 20s, but my emotions still aren’t always regulated the best) and set me off on purpose just to step back and go “Damn bitch, what’s your problem?” Which actually…I’m an idiot, because that person had drama with a lot of other people and nobody who has drama with loads of other people isn’t doing something to fuck with them. And the people who constantly have drama with other people while never admitting any fault…they’re the worst. They’re always up to some real shady shit.

Well before that, it had been quite some time since I was in such a situation. Probably because I fucking shut the hell down and stopped allowing myself to connect with people. And hey, if you don’t connect with people then they can’t really nudge at you and get you to blow up.

Here is my advice to other people who aren’t emotionally stable:

You need to look out for the people who treat the mentally ill as a prop to make themselves feel better. They can feel put together while they’re watching you fall apart. It entertains them and feeds their ego.

And don’t forgive people.

That’s literally the point in my own character arc that helped me the most. Don’t ever forgive anybody who fucking crazy-makes you, who treats it like a joke or looks down on you for being upset.

Just because your emotions are not proportional doesn’t mean you don’t feel them.

In my early 20s, I constantly forgave people who treated me like a joke. Just say you’re sorry and I’ll come back to spin around like a top and entertain you some more.

I wrote a story on this blog a while back, a guy I dated who did nothing but nudge at me and then laugh at me when my head popped off. It was so frustrating trying to get him to treat me with some dignity, to treat me like a person.

I ended up threatening to slice my wrists open in the middle of Wal-Mart. I called him out for cheating on me and he said something like, “Are we even dating though?”

And I said, “What? What are you talking about? You call me your girlfriend! You asked me to stop talking to other guys!”

“Dating doesn’t mean I can’t sleep with other people. We have different definitions of dating.” He smirked when he said it.

There was more but it’s all too stupid to tell.

He wouldn’t admit what he was doing. He was fucking crazy-making me.

And then a big old emotion bomb went off.

So then it didn’t matter what he’d done. Because I was the crazy bitch who tried to cut her wrists open in the middle of Wal-Mart and then landed in the mental hospital.

Just because a bitch is crazy that doesn’t mean you’re not a shit fucking person if you find that funny. And it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to mistreat her.

If my reactions are always a little overblown, that doesn’t mean SOME level of upset wasn’t warranted.

What Jessi Smiles and Jen Dent did to poor Judy disgusts me.

Everyone is so fake mental health awareness.

Because the second a crazy person acts a little, well, crazy, somehow it becomes acceptable to treat them any kind of way in the world.

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