78-33=45

It seems to me like everything bad in life is so so bad and all of the good things are just...eh. They're just fine. I feel like I made it through all of this really horrible stuff, just to sit in this waiting room. And things are okay in the waiting room. There's this lighthearted... Continue Reading →

Redacted

What am I supposed to think about to keep from thinking about [redacted]? I used to redact things out of stories on wattpad. Until somebody asked me "Why do you redact things?" and then I guess it just wasn't as funny to me anymore. It wasn't really funny to begin with, I guess. I could... Continue Reading →

go

We'd only lived with Mom and Jose for maybe 6 months when I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I was six and Carly was three. I missed my bedroom at Nan and Papa's house. I missed being around grown-ups who didn't yell at me and hate me. I missed nights after school, when Nan... Continue Reading →

i love you

When Mom told me Jose was moving out, I was very happy. I was ten. I was hanging laundry up on the clothesline and she came outside to tell me that. I was glad he was going, because the two of them fought all the time. He would call her fat, call her a pig,... Continue Reading →

….

I guess if I could have anything in the world, if someone asked 'what would make you happy in life?' and they had some magic wand and could just make it happen, then I'd say, my sisters. Neither of them have a relationship with me. Why should they? I made one last ditch effort to... Continue Reading →

You should all give up on me. Really, I'm not ever going to be any better. And the sad-posting on this blog is just a part of the [redacted] ideation. I like to think that one day when I do it, and people really know, yes, it was that bad, her feelings were bad, then... Continue Reading →

I can do this thing. I call it putting on my "game face." I feel like I'm stepping into somebody else. I don't know how to really explain it. Game face me is all smiles and she knows just what to say. She's quick on her feet. She knows all the stupid little small-talk quips... Continue Reading →

Camp

In 5th grade, right before the end of the school year, we watched a movie in class where the kids went to a sleepaway summer camp. It looked like so much fun and I immediately became obsessed with the idea of going to summer camp. I begged my grandmother to go to summer camp and... Continue Reading →

A Bad Moment

I used to clean a lot when I was a kid, because the cleaner the house was, the calmer my mom would be. It was impossible to ever get it really clean though. The house looked different depending on what year we're talking about. So let's talk about the year I was nine, just to... Continue Reading →

If I was a Real Person

My mom once apologized to me for everything that she did to me as a kid. I can't tell you what that felt like. It made me feel like I was a real person. It was right after her brother died, so I don't know if she was just in a low place or reevaluating... Continue Reading →

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